To My Son
- March 11th, 2015
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You have grown up so fast, and you’ve grown into such a fine young man – I am so proud of you. I wanted to write this to share some perspectives with you, give you some advice, and help guide you as you transition into adulthood. You have learned many good lessons in your life so far, I hope that this will provide you with some insight as to the types of things you can look forward to in your coming years. My thinking is that, by writing this here, you will be able to return to it in the future whenever you need to, as it will be forever immortalized on these wacky interwebs. Friends and family, please leave comments below and they will be preserved as well. Here we go…
Challenge Yourself. Your mom and I have worked hard to give you a good life. You are a smart kid, and have always succeeded when you’ve applied yourself. Things are going to get harder as you enter college. You’ve already learned good study habits, which will serve you well in the coming years. Find things and people that challenge you to push your boundaries and grow. No one but you can do this, and it’s simple to take the easy paths, but there is a deep satisfaction that comes from overcoming challenges. It is the hard that makes it good. Challenge yourself. Find the things and people that really bring light into your life and hold on to them, fight for them.
Keep a Growth Mindset. The only limits in life are those we place upon ourselves. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “it can’t be done.” Always ask “How?”, “Why?”, “Why not?”, and “What if?” Understand that your mind and body will continue to grow as long as you keep using them. Research is only just now beginning to prove this out. There is a great book, “Mindset”, by Carol S. Dweck, that has a great discussion on fixed vs. growth mindsets, it’s worth a read. Having a growth mindset involves not seeing failures as limitations of your ability, but opportunities to learn and grow. Fail fast, fail often. Learn as much as you can from each failure, and strive to not repeat past mistakes. This is the way to excellence. Think bigger, always, and don’t fall into the boxes others create for you.
Take Care of Yourself. With football drawing to a close soon, you will have to take it upon yourself to exercise. As you grow older and become less active, you won’t be able to eat everything you want any more. Exercise is the key. Find something you love to do, physically, and make it a priority to do it regularly. Maybe it’s lifting weights and working out, maybe it’s tennis or volleyball, maybe it’s just going for walks every day – it doesn’t matter what you do, it just matters that you do something. As we’ve grown as a species, we’ve become much more sedentary, and our bodies simply are designed to be active – they work better when they move. Get moving and keep moving.
You seem to have a pretty good handle on diet thus far. Your mom and I have tried to instill good eating habits, and they seem to have taken. I encourage you to take some time, maybe a class, on nutrition. Learn more about how different types of food affect our bodies. If you continue in the sciences, you’ll learn quite a bit from a Biology class. But I cannot stress this enough, what we eat plays a huge role in how we feel and how we function.
Cultivate Relationships. When you really connect with someone, hold on to that connection and do everything in your power to nurture it. It is rare that people come into our lives that we really connect with. If I were a religious person, I’d say that God put them in our lives for a reason. Whatever the reason, pay attention to them. These are the people who complement (not compliment) you – who fill the gaps, who challenge you, who inspire you. They may be male or female, near or far. They will become important parts of your life. It will be easy to be friends with them, but when the friendship faces challenges, you must find a way to work through them and continue the friendship. That is not to say that these close connections will last forever, some people are only meant to be in our lives for a period of time, then paths diverge and we go our separate ways. Cherish the time you have with them.
Meet lots of people. Network. The friendships and connections you make in the coming years will serve you well the rest of your life, especially if you spend a little effort to touch base and check in with them from time to time. Use your words and your humor to open doors. There is a lot of truth in the saying, “It’s not what you know, but who you know.” Choose your friends wisely. Look at the four or five closest friends you have at any time, this represents what you are likely to become. Find mentors to guide you in the directions you want to go.
Travel. See the world, embrace other cultures. It opens your eyes to other perspectives. As Americans, we tend to fall into a limited perspective of the world, and we’re a young country. I’ve only been to the U.S.S.R., Canada, and Mexico so far, but I plan on seeing Japan, Italy, Spain, Scotland, Australia, and Tahiti, for starters. Consider spending a year abroad during college or right after, before life gets too hectic and travel becomes more difficult.
Practice Gratitude. So much of our existence depends on our perspective. Don’t compare yourself to others, be your own man. Appreciate everything you have in your life, for it can all change in an instant. Be satisfied with what you have, while striving for what you want. Don’t let your possessions define you, instead focus on experiences. Be grateful and compassionate. This leads to the next point, which is:
Give Back. There are so many people in this world who are less fortunate than us. Do what you can to help when you can. Be that donating items to Goodwill, making charitably contributions, or otherwise helping those in need. You already have a history of good community service, so I don’t feel the need to say much about this, keep it up!
Think about what kind of man you want to be, and take steps now to put yourself on the path to becoming that man. Do what you have to do, keep your eyes on the prize. Be willing to sacrifice short term wants for long term goals. You’re doing such a great job already, and you probably already know most of what I’ve written, but it’s here for you to return to should you find the need. We all get lost sometimes, we all fall down – it’s how fast we pick ourselves back up and keep going that matters. The world is yours for the taking – go get it!
Much love,
Dad
