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What motivates us? What inspires us to go after the things we want? What keeps us going to the gym, day after day, in search of dem gainz? Motivation.

I think it stems from desire. Without desire, there can be no motivation. You have to want something bad enough to go out there and get it, make it happen.

Motivation varies, like many things, and for big goals a big motivating factor is called for. Some people find it easy to set goals and go after them, others need help. I think it mainly stems from the “Why?” If the “Why” isn’t strong enough, if you haven’t bought into it, then you will find motivation to be lacking. If the “Why” is strong, it becomes much easier to disregard distractions and stay focused on the goal. This is what drives us.

Want to change your body? Do it. Want to get a killer job? Make it happen. Want a new car? Save more or take another gig to help pay for it. Very few things in life are given to us, we have to strive for what we want. Make a consistent effort. This goes back to my “Daily Wins” concept. Set a goal, then do something every day, no matter how small, to give you a sense of victory and progress towards that goal. It creates a feedback loop that eventually becomes self-perpetuating.

Gandhi’s quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world” comes to mind. If you want something, and you want it bad enough, you’ll find a way to make it happen. This stems from the growth mindset, which one has to have, imo, to achieve much. Don’t get caught in the status quo, ask yourself “How?”, “Why?”, and “Why not?” There’s always a way, it just boils down to how much you’re willing to work to achieve it.

I’ve been working pretty hard in the gym lately (excepting the last week). My motivation for that stems from feeling so much better about myself when I exercise, and perhaps a little father-son competitiveness too. My son is a monster, with 17.5″ arms at the tender age of 16. I had always said that I’d know I was in good shape if I could lift him over my head when he turned 18. As of now, I’m going to have to be able to press over 200 pounds to be able to do it. Time to get to work!

Anyway, he’s in great shape. I used to be in great shape, and want to be again. That is why I train. I have a vision of what I want my body to look like by the end of summer and that keeps me going. I have a number to shoot for. I don’t care about how much I weigh, but I do want to get down to sub 10% body fat, so I’m properly ripped. (I haven’t been that low in three decades.) I know I can do it, it’s just going to take time, consistent effort, and vigilance.

I’ve added muscle, dropped a little fat, and increased measurements in the right areas. I haven’t really focused on getting ripped right now, as my body is still adjusting to the efforts of working out hard after lying dormant for so long. I did drop 50 pounds last year – an indication of just how badly out of shape I had gotten – and use that as continual motivation to keep putting in the time at the gym, making it a priority in my life.

I’ve been fortunate these past few months that my work schedule hasn’t interfered with my gym time, so I’ve been able to remain consistent. Now that I have a great job that I’m going in to the office for, I’m in the same boat as most of you. I need to find time to go to the gym, and that’s requiring some tough choices. I don’t want to get up earlier in the day, but I’m generally spent by the end of the day and, if I want to make progress, something else has to give. So I’m going to start getting up earlier and hitting the gym before the office. It’s really the only way that I can ensure that I can remain consistent, get enough training in during the week to meet my goals, and keep making progress. I don’t want to do it, but it’s the only option that guarantees I can continue to make progress. It will also mean that I start going to bed earlier at night. No more staying up late, playing poker, surfing the web, being unproductive. It’s down to time management at this point. I only have 16 hours in the day to work with, and at least half of those are going to be in the office. It’s doing what needs to be done to meet the goal. So I must motivate myself to go to bed earlier, get up earlier, and lift heavy weights first thing in the morning. It can be done. I will do it.

For those who are trying to find motivation in their lives, my suggestion is this: Find a goal. It doesn’t have to be a total body transformation, for example, but have a concrete aim that gives you something to go after. Do something every day to get yourself closer to that goal. Change doesn’t happen overnight, it takes time to see results. The Daily Wins help stoke the feedback loop to keep you engaged and moving forward. Spend some time and really think about what you want to achieve, get clear on it. Write it down. Make a vision board. Keep things in your environment that constantly remind you of your goal. Find inspiration wherever you can, draw on it, and use it to help you. Engage your support system – be it family or friends or strangers. Two of the best inspiring motivators for fitness I’ve found are BodySpace and Instagram. There are tons of pics and stories of people just like you that are taking control and effecting the changes they want to make. Find a successful strategy and follow it. Don’t be afraid to copy what others have done – it worked for them, it can work for you too!

Good luck, be great, and go get it!

Have you ever really connected with someone? I’m not talking superficial connections that come from things like networking, I mean something on a deeper level. I’m talking about something like the sense of a shared soul. You think the same things, you finish each other’s sentences, you are alike in so many ways it’s spooky.

I have been fortunate enough to experience this sort of connection a few times in my life. I’ve learned to stand up and take note of these connections when they happen, because they don’t happen very often. If I were a religious man, I’d say that these are the people that God puts in our lives for a reason. They fill the holes in ourselves. It goes back to the Goethe quote on commitment in a way, committing to something causes all sorts of things to unfold before us we couldn’t have possibly imagined happening.

My bestie and I have this sort of connection. She committed to finding mentors and approached me about being one. I had committed to connecting with more of the people in my life. The timing was perfect, we connected, and off we went. At first it wasn’t a super deep connection, sometimes these things take time to develop, but I knew immediately that I liked her and the way she approached life – very intentional. We talked about everything. Every day we connected on some level and, as time progressed, the connections grew deeper as we got to really know and trust each other. She quoted some of my favorite movies, and immediately knew the ones I cited as well. She has been sitting by my side through the whole hospital process, always there to provide support and proper perspectives when I’d get frustrated. She gave voice to my frustrations too. She showed up, every day, over and over. I hadn’t had that sort of support in my life before, and it was beyond refreshing.

My family has been great, really coming together in a way that heretofore has been unheard of, and they have been there for me too. But I don’t have this sort of deep connection with anyone in my family. Maybe that’s normal for families – we can choose our friends, but we cannot choose our families – and I know some people have that sort of connection with their families. My connections with mine are growing, evolving, developing into deeper ones lately. It’s never too late to start, but it takes work from all parties involved. My father is doing the work, being proactive, reaching out, and it’s great. My sister is too. But there are inherent differences in us that, at this time, preclude one of those really deep connections. We’re working on it though, making progress. And that progress is heartwarming.

Anyway, I guess my point is that when you find those deep connections in your life, pay attention to them. Nurture them, cherish them. They don’t happen very often and may be there for a reason. It is up to you to cultivate them. You can’t imagine how they will develop, and they will change you forever. These are the important people in your life, the ones that add value just by being present. Hold on to them with everything you’ve got.

Yesterday was kind of a blah day. I was kind of in a funk all day. I miss my bestie, who’s been unavailable recently. I didn’t work out, but I did go for a nice, hour-long walk with my sister, taking full advantage of the beautiful weather. So that was nice. I called the placement firm and told them my history, and they didn’t seem to think it’d be a problem. I also played in a poker tournament, had a great session, and finished second out of 87 entrants.

I was contacted by another recruiter, this time for a position at a media company which sounds like it could have a lot of potential, so I’m looking forward to learning more about that. I have to drive out to Lakewood today to do a UA, then hit the gym, then maybe go shopping for some new sneaks and shirts. Tomorrow I’m taking my son out to get some highway driving experience. We’ll head west, up into the mountains, and have lunch at this little cafe I discovered on one of my rides. It’s a quaint little hole in the wall, just off one of the side streets up near Evergreen. It’ll be good father-son bonding time and I’m looking forward to it. In one month he’s eligible to get his license! Kids grow up so fast, cherish every moment you get to spend with them, for sooner than you’d like, they’ll be off living their own lives.

I found this great little reminder in one of my mags about mindfulness that I’ll share:

“7 Things Mindful People Do Differently”

1. Approach everyday things with curiosity
2. Forgive their mistakes – big or small
3. Show gratitude for good moments – and grace for bad ones
4. Practice compassion and nurture connections
5. Make peace with imperfection – inside and out
6. Embrace vulnerability by trusting others – and themselves
7. Accept – and appreciate – that things come and go

I’ve had a lot of mindfulness training these past few years, and these things ring true. So much in this life is about perspective. I just shared a TED talk on happiness that talks about how the functioning of the brain is actually 37% more effective when in a positive state than a negative one. I’ve felt this for years, often being criticized as an overly-optimistic person, and now there’s research to back it up! 😉 Seriously though, the way we look at things makes all the difference. That’s why I’ve always chosen to find the silver linings in things. This does not mean one should ignore the bad stuff that happens, one needs to recognize, accept, process and move through that shit too. But keeping a positive perspective make it so much easier to deal with the hard times. Accept your reality, and take the steps you need to take to garner more of what you want out of life. As the Big Hitter himself, the Dalai Lama, says, “Cultivate a mindset of gratitude.” Be grateful for what you have, focus on that, rather than what you don’t have. Focusing on what you don’t have breeds negativity, which impairs the brain, and thus your life. Stay present and try to live life with each breath. Make the changes you want in your life happen. Commit to it. To paraphrase Goethe, all manner of things you could not have foreseen make themselves available to you when you commit to something. It’s yours for the taking, go get it! 🙂