Posts Tagged ‘perspective’

One Month Training Update

theGreatest

It’s been just over a month since I started training hard again and the results are pretty impressive. I’ve added 20 pounds of lean body mass (LBM) and, while I haven’t leaned out any, I haven’t added any fat either, so my body fat % is dropping. I’m doing a clean bulk – eating 250-300g of protein a day, keeping the carbs around 200g/day, and fat about 100g/day. In order to hit these macros, I’ve had to up my caloric intake from my typical 1800 or so to about 2700 a day. Five weeks in, I’m really starting to feel the difference.

Back in the days of living in L.A. and working out with Rich five days a week, I had put on some serious muscle. We didn’t keep a scale in the loft, so I really don’t know what I weighed in at, but given this morning’s weigh-in and that I’m not as big or strong as I was back then, I’m figuring I had to weigh at least 250. I was 247 this morning. That means that I dropped about 65 pounds of muscle in nine days when I had my accident. Uff. I’ve never been able to get back to the size and strength I had back then, but I’m off to a good start so far now.

I’ve added at least an inch of muscle to my chest, thighs, calves, neck, and upper arms. I’ve added just under an inch to my forearms. My waist circumference has dropped an inch and, curiously, my hips have gained half an inch – may be the glute tie ins?

This is why I track my measurements. I only feel bigger in my arms and sometimes my chest, depending on what shirt I’m wearing, and I don’t notice any difference really in the mirror. But the stats don’t lie – I’ve made some great gains in the last 35 days. Getting bigger in the right places, and smaller in the waist.

The plan is to finish out the remaining seven weeks of Jim Stoppani’s Shortcut to Size workout program from bodybuilding.com and then switch focus from gaining muscle to losing fat. I have been lifting four days a week and doing some low-intensity cardio the other two or three days. If I keep gaining muscle at this rate, I’ll be 260 by the end of the year. As long as that body fat percentage doesn’t start creeping up, I’m perfectly happy with that. Then, with the start of the new year, I’ll start focusing on the shred, with the goal of getting down into single digit body fat percentages. I’ve always wanted to have that shredded look, and have dropped almost 20 pounds of fat in six weeks once before – going from 20% at 220 to 13% at 195. I know what I need to do to get it done again, and am looking forward to getting the jump on a new bod for the new year.

I’ve made similar gains in the first month back to regular training before, so these results are not unexpected. I think the fact that I had trained hard in my youth makes it easier to get a chunk back right away. My TRT doesn’t seem to be having that much of an effect yet, other than perhaps the muscle weight gain. I’m not crazy bigger or crazy stronger, all seems to be in line. I’m inclined to believe my gainz are more from a return to regular training than the therapy. I haven’t noticed any significant differences in mood. My energy levels seem to be a bit higher come late afternoon, and I’m falling asleep naturally around 10:30 or 11pm. But again, these may be more attributable to eating clean and regular training. I’m due for a blood draw Monday to see where my levels are, and expect that we’ll be upping the dose again at that point.

All in all, a very productive month. I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so far, and am eager to see what the next month brings. 🙂

A Return to Gratitude

gratitude

From time to time I like to pause, reflect, and be grateful. This morning’s thoughts have been brought to the forefront by yesterday’s terrorist attacks in Paris. It saddens me that things like this still happen in 2015. It doesn’t surprise me though, every living thing on this earth has fought for itself since time began. People fight every day, that’s not going to change any time soon. What does bother me is a lack of compassion, recognition, and even acceptance of views that may not match one’s own. Everybody is carrying something with them through life, it’s so much better when one can occasionally share the load with others. Working together makes the burden less onerous.

It has been almost a year since I got out of the hospital. So much has happened, so fast. And so good. I am grateful to be alive and doing better than I probably ever have before, and it blows me away when I think about it. I am living an actualized, intentional life.

I am grateful for my family and friends, who have supported me through my trials and tribulations. My immediate family has really been amazing, thank you all. I love you. I am grateful to be reconnecting with my son after a prolonged absence at such a critical stage in his life. We went to the Avs game last week – thanks to tickets from my boss – and had a great time just hanging out. We work out together when his schedule allows it. His life has gotten exponentially busier, balancing school and a part-time job, and I am grateful for every minute I get to spend with him. My friends (that means you 🙂 ) have been there for me the whole way. Every “like”, every post, every share, connects us and sometimes gives just the right amount of support at the exact right time. I appreciate every one of you. Thank you for being my friend.

I am grateful to have the love of the most amazing woman I have ever met. We.are.the.same. Words can’t convey how special and important she is to me. We text every day and talk every night, for almost two years now. Every day. The only thing that would make it any better was if we lived closer to each other. We are both going through major life changes and the distance may actually be helping us grow closer. Each of us are strong enough that we would have navigated our personal shifts on our own, but to have the love, support, caring, and understanding of another who is going through a similar transition at the same time makes it so much easier. I wouldn’t be lost without you, my love, but I wouldn’t want to be without you either. Thank you for being such an amazing force and for sharing your life with me.

I am grateful to have a job that I love at a company that is just awesome. Everybody at Cliintel walks the talk and it’s fantastic to be surrounded by such a great group of people. It has the spirit of a startup with the security of an established corporation – exactly what I was looking for in a company. I’ve been with them for six months now, and am looking to expand my role into something more executive/strategic, and they’re fully supportive of that. In the meantime, I get to keep coming up with new ideas, doing analyses, writing killer code, and even creating the occasional stylin’ graphic or video. Good stuff!

I am grateful to be making new friends. As we move along in life, making new friends becomes more difficult than it was back in our school days. Work and family take up most of our time and unless we make the specific effort to get out, expand our boundaries, and meet new people, our circle of friends will shrivel up over time. There are those who have had the same friends their whole lives, from preschool to present day. I moved around too much as a kid to have those type of friends, but my Lexington friends are my oldest, and it’s been great to keep in touch with them over the years. I am glad that Tom has lived in the same town his whole life, and has that consistency. I also know people who stopped making friends after college. They’re satisfied with the friendships they have, and aren’t looking for anything new. I don’t quite get that. Perhaps a result of having a fixed mindset? I love meeting interesting people and my poker play has expanded my circle of friends substantially the past six months. We all love playing poker competitively, but there is a strong undercurrent of intelligence and supportiveness as well, at least in league play. We’re all trying to beat each other, but we’re all rooting for each other to do well too. Just a wee bit worse than ourselves. 🙂 I’ve made 20 new friends in my main poker league, with two or three having the potential to expand beyond the felt. In Dutch Boyd’s Twitch stream and poker league (Both are free, btw. We’d love to have you if you’d like to play), I am making a bunch more friends, notably including Dutch himself, and again it is a great, supportive environment.

I am grateful for my health. I’m slowly weaning off my meds for a variety of reasons, not least among is that they’re the wrong meds for bipolar and too low a dose to be clinically effective anyway. (Wait, a state-run institution got something wrong?? Say it isn’t so!) I remain sign- and symptom-free, for three and a half years now. I started TRT three weeks ago and am back in the gym every day. I’m starting to see results. I’ve gained 10 pounds in the last month and dropped four percent body fat. I figure most of that weight is just water, and frankly I don’t care about the body weight gain, just the fat loss. I am getting stronger, bigger in the right places. I can’t really feel the effects of TRT yet, but I am getting some physiological changes that suggest it’s starting to work. It’s funny, for some illogical reason I was expecting a more immediate response. But of course, treatments take time to produce results. Dammit, I want results NOW!

It’s an interesting thing, rebuilding my self and my life. I’m sure part of it comes from increased maturity, but I think more of it comes from intentionality. I had a long time in the hospital to figure out what I want from life, and I am no longer willing to sit back and wait for things to come to me. I finally realized that nobody is going to give me a thing. I was not born into privilege, I have had to work for everything I’ve achieved. And that’s where the satisfaction comes in. It’s rarely easy. In fact, the hard is what makes it good. I tend to minimize my efforts in hindsight, downplay how hard I’ve worked to achieve something. In reality, I’ve been working hard my whole life, and really feel that it’s all coming together now. Finally paying off. With that comes a twinge of fear, perhaps, that it will all go away, be taken from me by some force outside of my control. I accept that no thing is permanent – it will all change, again, at some point. Growth is, by it’s very nature, a painful process. But when we stop growing, we stop living. Just one year ago, I couldn’t allow myself to dream of the life I have now. Now that I have made it this far, I am taking this moment to acknowledge it and express my gratitude for it.

If this much was possible in the past year, who knows where I’ll be a year from now? I am ready for whatever comes, and am looking forward to continuing the adventure. Bring it! 😀

The Education of a Poker Player

  
Last night marked the first time I have played a cash game in a casino in over a decade. I have been playing online for play chips all year, and have been playing tournaments quite a bit lately, but haven’t had the chance to sit down and just play regular poker until last night. I had a blast!

The down side to playing tournaments is the increasing blind structure. As time progresses, you are forced to put more chips into each pot and, as a result, you often get to a point where you have to gamble more and take more risk. In a cash game, the blinds never go up, and you can sit back and wait for cards and opportunities to come to you before acting. And, you can get up from the table at any time, securing any wins at whatever point you like.

I played $1-2-100 modified no limit hold ’em. Colorado doesn’t allow full no limit, the max bet one can make at any time is $100. With the blinds at 1/2, I can play an unraised pot for two dollars. I bought in for $300, with another $120 in my pocket in case things went badly, so at most I had $420 at risk.

I was excited to go, to put my skills to the test in a real situation, to see if I could perform as well live as I do online, in a non-tournament situation. As I drove the hour up to the Ameristar casino in Black Hawk, I reviewed my strategies. Naturally, I had dreams of winning big, but I was taking a very realistic approach. My primary goal was to play for a long time to see how my play would change over time, assess how the play changed based on time of day to determine if there was a more profitable time to play, and to make some money.

I arrived at the Ameristar at 4:15, got a parking spot right away, and walked in to the casino. I was greeted by the hospitality person, who directed me to the poker room and the players’ registration desk. I went to the desk and signed up for a player’s card, which the casinos use to log your activity at the casino, and ultimately award you various comps based on how much you spend. Poker players earn comp points based on the number of hours they play at the table, rather than by how much they spend. The main thing that separates poker from other casino games is that you are not trying to beat the casino in poker, you are up against the other players at the table. The casino takes a small amount from each pot that gets raised, called the rake, to cover their costs for the dealers. So, if a pot gets raised to about $20, the casino takes $2. If the pot gets big, the casino takes $7. I’d imagine the rake is percentage based, so the casinos make more money from those games. I was playing the smallest level at 1/2, but there were at least ten tables playing 2/5, so the Ameristar was making good money from poker players.

After registering for my card, I walked over to the poker room. There were about 50 tables available, with about 15 of them fully seated and playing. As I passed the tables, I many people with big stacks of red $5 chips in front of them – thousands of dollars in play. My first thought was, “Uh-oh. I don’t know if I want to sit down at a table with these guys and gals.” In no limit poker, the size of your stack determines your power at the table. I did not want to sit down as a total underdog at a table from the start. Fortunately, I realized these people were playing 2/5, so I probably wouldn’t be playing against them.

 

I checked in at the poker desk and got on the waiting list for 1/2. I found out where the closest bathroom was. I was ready to go. After a short wait, my name was called. I asked Daniel, the poker manager, what the max buy in for the table was. He said it was unlimited buy in, but that bets were capped at $100. I bought $300 worth of red chips, three stacks of 20 chips, and was escorted to the table by one of the suited attendants. As I took my seat, I scanned the table. There were seven men and two women, and nobody had more than $400 in chips in front of them. I had bought in for the right amount, and was evenly matched with my opponents. I saw that about half the players had drinks in front of them, which suggested that play might be loose, and I hoped this would be an easy game.

I started the timer on my phone so I could log my results after each hour. Today’s session was about gathering data. I wanted to see how my results varied over time and gather data to develop an optimal playing strategy going forward.

Play started out slow for me. I didn’t pick up any playable hands, and I used the time to start developing reads on the other players. My seat draw was less than great, as I had a LAG (Loose AGgressive player) two seats to my left. This meant he would act after me in the majority of hands. He was raising a lot of pots, with most of his hands, which made it tough to get an idea of what he was playing other than ATC (Any Two Cards). He was in a wheelchair, maybe mid-twenties, and I remember thinking how cool it was that he could play poker no problem. Across the table from me was a woman, mid-thirties, who was winning a lot of pots. She had this tendency to have a slight frown/scowl on her face for many of the hands. A bit of permanent bitchface, if you will. But between hands she was smiling and chatty, so it seemed to be a reverse tell – almost as if she didn’t like playing any of her hands, even her winners.

It was 37 minutes before I won my first hand – a small one. That broke the ice a bit, and I started getting a few more playable hands. My chip stack had dwindled – I was down about $100 before winning my first big hand.

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It would have been a bigger win if I had more chips, if I had bought in for more, but I was happy to double up what I had. This underscores why the amount you buy in for has a direct relation to what you win – you’re looking to win one big pot an hour, and the more chips you have when that opportunity comes, the more you win. I briefly rued not buying in for more, but let that go quickly and appreciated winning my first big pot.

Play continued to go well for the next two hours. I steadily increased my stack, chipping up, and winning a few hands. I wasn’t getting great cards, didn’t have many opportunities, and the other players at the table were tough opponents. For a while, every hand was being raised to at least 3.5 big blinds and I wasn’t getting many playable hands in the raised pots.

Around hour five, I was dealt pocket kings for the second time. The first time I got them, I was in early position in a raised pot with several other players, and an ace flopped. With full tables, the odds that somebody has an ace are pretty high, so when there was a raise and a reraise after the flop, I knew my kings were no good and had to let them go. The next time I got kings, I was in late position, and raised. I got a few callers, and the flop came ace king three, rainbow (multi-suited). Perfect! The aggro player at the opposite end of the table raised, as he always did, and it was called around to me. I wanted to get maximum value for my trips, so I just called, not wanting to scare other players off. The turn came a harmless seven. The aggro guy bet out, everyone folded around to me, and I raised a bit over minimum, hoping he would come over the top at me and let me get it all in. He only called though, and the river brought another ace – the worst card that could come. Now if he had AK, A3, or A6, he had a bigger full house than mine, and I was beat. He was playing a ton of hands, so I couldn’t assume he didn’t have one of those. He leads out and bets, and I’m put to a big decision: do I simply call, or do I put the rest of my chips in? I went into the tank for a bit, and decided just to call. He triumphantly turns over pocket threes, for threes full of aces. I grin and turn over my pocket kings, for kings full of aces, and scoop the biggest pot of my night.

As I was scooping and stacking my winnings, I peeked at my cards and picked up queen ten of hearts – a decent starting hand. I make a standard raise, get a few callers, notably the new guy to my immediate left, who was a very tight, aggressive player. The flop comes Qxx and I check, he bets, two other players call, and I make it 2.5x his raise. He calls, the other players fold out. The turn comes another queen, and I have a strong hand again – trips two hands in a row. I check, he bets 25 and I raise to 50. He tanks a bit, then calls me. Now I figure he’s got a queen too, but I just saw him play K4 offsuit in another hand, so I’m thinking he’s got a weaker kicker than me. But, given the other cards on the table, he might have hit a full house, and I’m hoping for a ten on the river to secure my hand. The river is a seven, no luck for me, and I check. He bets 60 and I instacall, figuring I had him beat. He turns over queen jack, one pip better than my queen ten, and I end up giving back everything I’d won on the previous hand. Sigh.

I was card dead most of the remaining night. Every time I’d get a playable hand, I’d be out of position or the maniac to my right would massively overbet the pot. I had KJ and was planning on playing, but he raised to $36 in a $10 pot. He had taken a few bad beats and wasn’t handling them well. He was lashing out, overbetting, trying to win everything he’d lost back in one hand. Not smart play, and I was eager to take advantage of it, should I get good enough cards. No such luck for me tho. At six hours, I was ready to give up, having gradually given back most of the night’s winnings. Then I won a decent pot and decided to stick around for one more hour. The game had loosened up, the maniac to my right had settled down, and the nemesis to my right had left the table. Conditions were good to continue, but unfortunately my cards didn’t improve.

As my seventh hour reached it’s end, I vowed to play the two last hands I could see the cards for free, then call it a night. I was hoping to win one more pot. The first hand went into the muck, and on the last hand I was dealt Q8 of diamonds. I was in first position and normally wouldn’t play this hand from that position, but decided it was worth $2 to try and play. If the pot got raised, I’d fold and call it a night. Luckily, the pot was limped in to by everyone, and I got to see the flop. The flop was the ten of clubs, seven of diamonds, and three of diamonds. I bet my remaining profit of $12 into the $10 pot, and everyone folded except this one older Asian gentleman to my right, who had been playing quite well. The turn came the jack of diamonds, making my flush. I lead out into the $34 pot with a bet of $20, and he called me. The river came a blank, and I bet $30. The gentleman went into the tank for a long time before eventually folding to me. If I had made the bet a bit smaller, I might have gotten paid off. It was my last hand, so I flipped over my cards and showed him the flush, and he smiled and thanked me for showing him. I announced that was my last hand, bid good night and good luck to everyone at the table, racked up my chips and headed to the cashier.

It is a wonderful feeling to be able to cash out your chips for more than you bought in for. Part of the reason I wasn’t more aggressive as the evening progressed and my chip stack dwindled was that I was determined not to go home a loser – especially after having been up significantly. One of the worst feelings is getting up big, giving it all back, and then losing more – going home a net loser on the session. When that happens, you can be racked with the eternal question, “Why didn’t I cash out when I was up big?” I didn’t want to think that, so I was determined to go home even at worst.

I ended up the night a small winner, and learned a lot about live poker play in the process. I learned to sit back and wait for the right hands, the right situations, the right opportunities. I learned not to bluff so much, that live players will call down almost anything as long as they have a piece of the board. I learned that people will play weak aces from any position, just because they have an ace. I learned that I am too concerned with the dollar amounts, still. To be a great poker player, you can’t think about how much you’re betting, what it means, you have to think of it as part of the game. It doesn’t matter what you do during the session, what only matters is where you end up. I learned that, due to new gaming regulations, the casinos are open 24/7 now – before they used to close at 2am. I learned that people don’t often make $100 bets at the 1/2 level. (I had worried that people would be betting the max a lot, and thus my meager stack would be severely disadvantaged.) I learned that, contrary to what I had heard, there are not teams of players colluding against you at the table. That was a big rumor I’d heard several times, about why people don’t go play up there. Clearly fear based, or maybe a ploy to keep other players out of the action. Can’t believe I had considered that a possibility. 🙂 And, perhaps most importantly, I learned the need to properly size value bets when I have the best hand. I had a tendency to make them too big, try to win too much, rather than make a bet that could be called. That’s a huge difference between live and online poker – live players will fold more often than online at the river.

What did I learn about my game? I learned that I do great for about four hours, then I start to get tired. Particularly if I’m not catching cards. Next time, I will plan to play for four hours and then take a break to get some food or get away from the table for about 30 minutes before returning. Maybe I will go up around eight and play until one. The tables got kind of dead between 5-7, then picked up again later. I will tighten up my play, bluff less, and commit to my plays more firmly. Many times I’d take a stab at the pot, get called, and give up on my bluff. That’s a great strategy at a tighter table, but at loose tables like mine, continuation bets were so common that they were practically ignored. That means that, if I’m going to play a hand, I have to be willing to call two bets with it – the initial bet, and the bet that will surely come on the flop, regardless of what hits. I also realized that I tend to do less well when concerned about tracking my results every hour. I found my play would change as the end of the hour approached if I hadn’t won much, as I’d play more pots trying to keep my hourly earn rate up – not good.

All in all, I had a great time. I got to do what I usually do in my spare time, play poker, but this time I was doing it for real in a situation with real, meaningful results. I can have a great night and win 3M online, but those are just play chips, and even a small cash win feels so much more worthwhile. As I continue, I expect my results to improve, and now that I’ve identified a few leaks in my game, I hope to return to Ameristar and do much better next time. It was really fun sitting at the table, trying to figure out who was playing how, picking up on some tells, getting reads confirmed or denied, sitting at the table and doing what I love to do. It is said that you cannot focus on results in poker, only on how you played. Except for a few mistakes, I played pretty well, and have learned a lot in the process. Here’s looking forward to next time! 🙂

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